If you read this, be warned. This post contains Bible, God, and church references and the messiness of Christians. It could get ugly. If you want to keep reading, here goes…
We know what happens in churches when things go awry. My husband and I have been involved in a variety of church types and served in church roles for much of our adult lives. I wish I could say there was at least one we’ve attended with no issues. The problem, all members were of the human species and humans are messy! All of us!
When you’re connected through relationships in a church or any group of people, there will indeed be disagreements. Whether those stem from scandals, power struggles, insecurity, comparison, offense or outright abuse, the result will be a trail of people left hurt and confused with feelings of betrayal and disappointment that are hard to reconcile. Some affected, had no part in whatever the circumstances, yet suffer as innocent bystanders.
Expectations of others are held to a higher standard in the church setting. Relationships are often more vulnerable. Many started attending a church because they had a need or had experienced some other pain. There may be unearned trust granted, simply because a person holds a position or title or claims to be, “Christian.”
Some will disagree with my post, believing this subject to be taboo online, as if I’m airing the church’s dirty laundry. (In referring to “the church,” I mean all of them as a whole and including myself as a part of it.) Those who have never darkened church doors have all heard about our infighting leading to church splits. The truth is the whole world has already seen our dirty laundry and it’s time we talk about it. Who hasn’t witnessed our arguments? Who hasn’t felt personally offended about something? Who among us doesn’t hope and pray for something to change?
Having a wedge driven between you and someone you love is incredibly painful. I was taught that God is love and church is a place filled with love. The things I’m referring don’t look or feel loving for anyone. I want to talk to those of us who’ve felt the pain I’m describing today. I’m with you. I’ve experienced it, too.
The wedge between you and another may have totally blindsided you and you’re still reeling. What’s before you now is a canyon and you’ve been left holding onto both edges for dear life. Dangling over the deep and wide is dangerous. The knee jerk reaction is to grab one side or the other, so you don’t die. But which side do you grab? You see those you love on both sides. There are things to lose on both sides. So how do we do this?
There’s a Bible verse in the book of Ezekiel, chapter 22, verse 30, about a gap that comes to mind. “I looked for anyone to repair the wall and stand in the gap for me on behalf of the land…”
I remember a picture used in Sunday School classes when I was a kid. Maybe you’ve seen it, too. It shows Jesus on a cross, and the cross is hanging over a chasm as a bridge between the two sides, enabling people to walk across. I interpreted the message conveyed by the picture was that Jesus was the bridge for people to choose to walk from one side to the other. I’m seeing a bigger picture now.
The past couple years I’ve thought a lot about the need for unity in our world. Valued relationships are being torn apart by so many issues. There was a prayer that Jesus prayed in his final days before his crucifixion, that we would be one as he and the Father were one. I still hear him praying that for us now, more than ever. I believe he was feeling his own humanity, as well as ours. He felt the same inclinations we feel when faced with loss, fear, betrayal, disappointment. He felt the urges of fight, flight or freeze. He knew that his followers wouldn’t understand his death, even though he tried to prepare them, even telling them it would happen. I think that he was feeling their loss, their sense of abandonment and grief. I think he was hearing their questions and confusion. He was feeling ours, as well, as he prayed that prayer for us to be one. Jesus knew that if we were spiritually united with him and the Father, we’d never have to feel completely alone or utterly abandoned.
I’m seeing that old Sunday School image in a new way. I see Jesus on the cross, hanging in the gap as a bridge, but not as a bridge we cross over to get to the other side. We only need to go halfway across. We only go to him. Those on both sides go to him. It’s not about “us vs them,” ever! It’s us with him. We don’t have to choose sides. We don’t have to be on the right side or the wrong side. If we focus on Jesus and the Father God, our focus is on the God that IS love! They say that you become like what you look at. If we look at love, we will become love. When we become love, our words and our actions will show that. We can stand in the gap with Jesus, as one. Both sides can be united in the middle. The middle is not a bad place to be.
I know this is so much easier said than done, especially as a human filled with strong emotions, beliefs and opinions. It sounds way, over simplified, but I don’t believe that God wants love to be so hard for us. We walk it out, one day at a time, each day becoming more loving. We will fail. We will fall, but we don’t give up. We’re human, and Jesus knew that. That’s why he prayed and suffered for us. Another Bible passage is often referred to as the “love chapter.” It’s in 1st Corinthians 13, verses 4 – 7. Here it is in The Passion Translation. Maybe you’ll want to put this on your mirror, so you know what love looks like.
“Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others.
Love never takes failure as defeat for it never gives up.”
My encouragement is to not be afraid of those feelings you have when hanging over a deep divide. It feels horrible. It’s unfamiliar and uncomfortable, a place of uncertainty, which we’ve already had enough of these past couple years. But lay down on that cross with Jesus and stay there. Rest there. It’s the safest place we can possibly be. It hurts when nails pierce our flesh, we’re with the healer. We hear angry voices calling from the edges wanting to force us to choose a side, but the place we’re in is a place of peace. We are safe in the gap.
To choose a side is to choose to divide.
Instead of being a wedge that divides, we become part of the solution that fills the divide.
Lastly, my prayer is that we guard our hearts and not allow resentment or bitterness. When we feed those things, they grow and get really ugly. In the book of 2nd Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 11, I like the way it stated in the same translation.
“Finally, beloved friends, be cheerful. Repair whatever is broken among you, as your hearts are being knit together in perfect unity. Live continually in peace, and God, the source of love and peace, will mingle with you.”
Paul ends that chapter in verse 14 with this. Read it as a blessing, because I am praying this for you.
“Now may the grace and joyous favor of the Lord Jesus Christ, the unambiguous love of God, and the precious communion that we share in the Holy Spirit be yours continually, Amen!
I haven’t written an update on my triathlon efforts lately, so I think it’s time for some catching up. In case you aren’t familiar with what DNF and DNS stand for, here’s a little Tri education. A DNF is dreaded. You do not want to have it listed beside your name on a race results list. It means “Did Not Finish.” Almost everyone who races has had one or will have. The tri world is super supportive when someone else gets one, but when it’s labeling your race, whether we admit it or not, it hurts. It’s a disappointment, no matter how supportive others will be about it. I had my first DNF this last May at the Santa Rosa Ironman 70.3. Insert sad face here.
Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but life certainly hasn’t been without adventure! For the athlete friends out there, I’ll give a quick injury update. Since my hamstring tear last October, I’ve slowly been moving back into running, swimming and biking. Slow progress is still progress, but there have been a couple more setbacks along the way. It truly has been two steps forward, one step back ever since the long string of injuries started. So many pieces and parts of this gosh darn kinetic chain have been affected, it’s all starting to become a blur now. I was allowed to start doing some easy walking and biking in December. I was able to start swimming with a pull buoy and add 
walk/run intervals about the middle of January. I made gradual progress to the point that my coach was able to schedule my workouts in miles of running instead of minutes of running at the beginning of May. Even though my longest straight run had only been 3 miles at that point, I was able to do The Santa Barbara Wine Country Half Marathon, which was May 10th, using run/walk intervals. Even at turtle speed, it felt awesome! I have to say, Santa Barbara was the hilliest 13.1 mile course this flatlander has ever done, but it was the most beautiful ever! Add in perfect weather and the wine at the finish line, do I really need to say more? No, but I will. It was awesome! 
I was just getting back out on the road again last week, more so with cross training still, but my calves were recovering. Last Tuesday I was enjoying a wonderful ride on my bike. I’ve been happy that I was finally getting my average speed back up to where it was before the hamstring thing. I like riding where there isn’t a lot of traffic. The problem with that though is, there isn’t a lot of traffic. If you run into an issue, you’re pretty much on your own. The more desolate roads around the desert aren’t always the quality of the busier roads, either. I was drinking from my water bottle, hit a bump, and swerved off the road into sand deep enough to bring my tire to an abrupt stop, thus throwing me into the road. Isn’t is 
funny how even in the middle of nowhere, you still look around to see if anyone saw you fall? Yes, I did that first, before I got myself off the road. After a few minutes catching my breath and examining my wounds, I decided I had to be tough and ride home, blood and all. After all, isn’t that what athletes do, suck it up, ignore the pain and move on? The problem was, my chain had come off and I wasn’t able to get it back on 
with my injured hand, so I had to humble myself and call my husband to come rescue me. Thankfully, nothing was broken, no stitches required, just a very bruised, swollen hip, sprained hand and a bruised, road rash covered elbow. Apparently, there was a benefit from the crash. According to my son, a racing team cyclist, I now have something called “street cred”. That’s respect among the cycling community, so I guess that makes up for the pain, right! My Doctor said it could take four weeks for the swelling to go down and the bruising to disappear. The Physical Therapist said I can swim with the pull buoy still, aqua jog lightly for now, but NO running or even walk/run intervals until the swelling goes down. And in my mind I’m saying, “But don’t you understand, I’m already signed up for another half in August and September?!?!” You runners that have dealt with injuries are tracking with me, right? You’ve been there too! And there you have it, one step back yet again! It appears that I will always have something to deal with, as most of my issues have been stirred up by problems with my spine and impinged sciatic nerves. The doctor’s encourage me to continue, as it’s important to stay active and healthy and my activity is not going to cause my condition to get worse. I will have pain regardless, but if I stop moving, I’ll stop moving, period and that isn’t healthy. I do get injections and see a Physical Therapist weekly, however, as long as I can avoid medication or surgery, I will keep doing what I love. I’ve titled this post, “The Trial-Athlete”, but not because of me and my silly injuries. I’m thinking way beyond what I’ve dealt with. I’m not a minimizing my “adventures” here. I’m just looking at them from a different perspective in this post. My mind is drawn to some unsung heroes in my life. Let me just tell you a little bit about them. I won’t name names today, so to those who know me, no reason to be nervous. 
There is the friend who has spent years, almost a lifetime dealing with her disease. It’s very difficult to manage, as her body doesn’t want to cooperate as it should. It’s not only challenging, it’s risky, even life threateningly dangerous at times. Her husband died several years ago and she remains home alone most days, missing him terribly. She doesn’t remain home alone by choice. You see, she’s had a series of falls, eleven of them! Each has resulted in bad breaks of her arms, legs, hips and pelvis, each requiring surgery and rehab. It’s now very difficult for her to get around. Yes, she has times she gets discouraged, very discouraged, yet each time I see her rally her will and her mind to stay positive and move forward, even if it’s through tears that she does it. There is the friend who found herself a single parent with more children than most of us have. Any of you who have been single 
parents can relate to the difficult challenges that this role presents to an already wounded mom or dad. That wasn’t her plan when she married him. Life wasn’t supposed to happen this way. This wasn’t her dream for herself or her kids. And if that isn’t enough, imagine if it were you as the parent and one of your children were handicapped and now a teenager that you have to do everything for. This has been the case for 15 years already and will be the case for a lifetime. Somehow she does it. She’s not just trying to survive. She is putting herself through school at the same time. She does it well! Even if it’s through tears. There is the friend whose career dreams were brought abruptly to a halt by a serious accident before she could even finish college. Severe spinal injuries have caused her a lifetime of pain and suffering as a result. Years after the first accident, a doctor was finally able to do a surgery that enabled her to walk again. Her dreams had a chance to be reawakened, as it appeared she had been gifted a moment of hope that life could return to normal again. Within weeks, those dreams were violently torn from her grasp when she became the victim in another serious accident. Not only would she not be able to walk normally, she returned to a life of constant pain with many other complications to numerous and graphic to describe here. While she has every reason to be angry and bitter, she is one of the sweetest, kindest, and most loving people I’ve had the privilege to share life with. She just wants to love people, even in pain, even through tears. There are others who have had their lives drastically and tragically changed in an instant. The friend who lost her son… I just can’t imagine how devastating that would be. The friends who have lost spouses… parents… other loved ones… Those are life altering events. You live with the aftermath for the rest of your breathing days. That’s the type of unsung hero I’m talking about. Talk about an ability to endure! When the accidents and surgeries are past, when the diagnosis has been given and the torturous treatments are ongoing, when there is never going to be any relief for the pain, when the funeral is over, the obituary archived and everyone has gone home, these heroes are left to live with their lifelong “new normal”. 
incredible ability to endure and that strength and endurance carries over into other areas of life. It leaves them with a sense of achievement. They’ve accomplished something beyond what they thought months before they would never be able to do. It’s an incredible feeling! And yes, you get addicted to it, so most of us do it to ourselves over and over again. The thing is, we do it by choice. Our race has a date and a finish line. The unsung heroes I’m talking about never would have chosen the circumstances that brought their pain. Yet they do it day after day, month after month and year after year and they survive. There aren’t crowds cheering for them along the course or people handing them water and nourishment every few miles. Some are lucky enough to have a good network of support around them, but unfortunately, most do not. Their race involves more than just a few hours of their time. There is no medal to display in their home. There is no finish line for them, at least not as long as they are breathing the air of this world. 
Talk about an ability to endure! These unsung heroes have it! That’s a special gift. I call it a gift of grace. That’s how they survive. They live day by day, one day at a time. They live on the grace or the strength they have for that day. Most days they don’t “feel” strong. They might not even want to be strong anymore, yet they make it, one more breath, one more step, one more day. And while it may appear that they do it alone most of the time, the friends I’m talking about, know they aren’t alone. They know where their help comes from. Their help comes from the maker of heaven and the creator of this world. Yes, they have unanswered questions as to why, yet they trust their God for the strength to make it. They trust in a God that enabled them to overcome and push through tragedy, disease, painful suffering and heartache. Anger and bitterness have been exchanged for kindness, forgiveness and love. They are true trial-athletes! Many are inspired by the athletes who train and compete in a race for finish lines and medals. Look around at the forgotten, 
unsung heroes you share life with. They are still running their race, often injured and their finish line is still years down the road. Their legs and arms get tired. It’s hard and it hurts. They shed tears out on the course. Keep cheering for them. Step up and pass them a cup of cold water or nourishment from time to time, whether it be just a smile, a card, a text or phone call, a hug… Let them know they are heroes in your eyes and that you’re sticking with them for the long haul! By doing so, you will have entered yourself in a race. It’s a race with no finish line and no medal on this earth, but the rewards are far better! You will become that special gift in their lives and you too, will build an ability to endure. Just watch out though. You might become addicted! I hope so!
Christmas is one of my absolute favorite times of the year and it’s obvious when you look around my home. I’ve just spent the last two weeks decorating, so yes, it’s very evident that I love Christmas! The holidays bring me great joy!
you. My own life hasn’t been all happy and joyful, nor have all of my Christmas seasons been filled with gifts and shiny things. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that. I’ve experienced Christmas with accidents, loss, illness, no money, bills, break ups and brokenness, so I understand how difficult this time of year can be. No, I wasn’t happy with my circumstances during those times, but I was able to be grateful for what I did have and look for the bright side of whatever the situation was. I’ve always found someone or something that inspires me to find joy.
never met her in person, but I’ve seen enough of her posts on our team website and Facebook, that I feel like I know her and for that, I am grateful. Honestly, I’m grateful for all of our team as they all are wonderful people who encourage and support each other in all of the highs and lows that come with injuries, recoveries, victories and defeats. We all need people like this in our lives. Today, while I am not diminishing the rest of our team in anyway, I want to highlight one. And here I go naming names again and this time I actually have permission. My inspiration today is Nancy.
Each day, Nancy posts a little personal story and how she was able to find joy in her day, no matter if it was a good day or a bad day. I’ve come to look forward to reading her, “Go embrace your joy” messages. I want to share what she posted on facebook last week. I’ll just copy and paste exactly what she posted, as I can’t say it any better. Here you go:
broken bone, a headache, blurry vision, even a toothache has never been questioned by my friends, but the minute they heard that I was in therapy, some friends became quite uncomfortable–giving me a side-way glance or total silence as if my problems were contagious–as if may I have a screw loose or that I am nuts. The truth– I believe the judgment from others is one biggest reasons people do not seek intervention–they don’t want people to think they can’t figure out life on their own. But sadly this perception is so unfair.
her joy every day, even on the dark days. She said that some days, it was just finding a penny on her run, or seeing a rainbow after a storm, or a smile from a stranger. She wrote this about finding joy in another one of her posts.
Nancy is being real. She’s sharing what is uncomfortable, but what she is really doing is encouraging others to be better people. Because she chooses to be authentic, I’m encouraged to listen. Her words speak to my heart, therefore, I’m encouraged to grow and I too, can find joy. Maybe she’s not doing it on the scale that Nelson Mandela did, but she’s doing her part to spread love and good will in our world.
Nelson Mandela was authentic, the real deal. He spoke in a language that could be understood by all, because he spoke to something that is buried deep in the hearts of all. It’s love and goodwill that speaks to us. That’s the language of the heart. So in this world where all that glitters isn’t gold, where it’s hard to find the true meaning of the season in the frenzy of activity and plastic trees, I’m hoping more of us will open our eyes, hearts and minds to look deep inside ourselves and others for those real gifts that are real and authentic. Spread some of that love and goodwill around. Go embrace your joy!
This morning was beautiful here in AZ! We had a brief, very brief, reprieve from our normally hot summer temperatures. Our lows were in the 70’s this morning! Normal lows this time of the year are upper 80’s to low 90’s so, yes, this was NICE! I had a bike ride on my workout schedule today and the cooler temperature just added to my enjoyment!
strength training, all the supporting muscles won’t be able to handle the load that I put on the muscles used to run. You know, how the leg bones connected to the hip bone. I can have a strong leg, but the hip has to be able to support it. If the supporting muscles aren’t strong, I run the risk of injury, which means no run at all. Being on the injury list is extremely frustrating for a runner. I speak from a place of a lot of experience on the subject of injury, so, no matter how busy the schedule, the strength training must be done. It’s the right thing to do.
It’s going to take some strength training to get us where we want to be. I like to keep things simple, so my suggestion sounds really simple, but it’s not so easy to do. May I suggest that the focus be on exercising the “doright” muscle? That’s pronounced “do right”, and the meaning is simple. It just means that the focus be on doing the next right thing. You focus on the here and now. Even if you find yourself in a very dark place and you can’t see any way out, there is almost always one right thing that you do know to do, so do that. Stop looking at the darkness or the impossibility of the situation. As you do it, you strengthened the “doright” muscle. Often doing the first right thing will help us see what the next right thing should be, so how about another rep. Do it! Maybe that’s all the strength you have for today, but tomorrow is a new day. Plan to wake up and only look at the next right thing to do and do it.
and you get to the place you wanted to go. It reminds me of the story of the donkey who fell into a deep hole. The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he decided to bury him. As the farmer shoveled dirt into the hole on top of the donkey, the donkey shook it off. He made a little movement, a small step on top of the dirt that was supposed to bury him. After many repetitions of those small steps, the donkey found himself in a new place, outside of his hole.
Real - One Day At A Time 