My Why…

You were wondering, right!  Why does anyone decide that they want to write a blog?  More so, what makes that person think that someone may want to read it?  Why risk sharing myself with complete strangers?  Why open myself up to the opinions and criticisms of the world?  My answer is simply, “Why not”!  As I’ve anticipated this moment for many months now, I have to admit that there is fear present, doubt exists and I’m down right scared.  Yes, I have admitted my fear to the world.  Maybe that isn’t a public admission that would be considered a move to bring success by life coaches, but it’s me.  It is where I am as I sit here in this moment.  My full intent is to be me, to be real and walk this thing out.  I will be free to express who I am one and I will allow you to be free to be who you are.

I’m not your “spring chicken” and regardless of age, I will hope to never consider myself as being “over the hill”.  That said, I can say that I’ve lived long enough to have experienced “much” life.  Everyone has a story.  My life journey includes stories that will bring hope, happiness and excitement, as well as tears.  “Real” will include the raw, slightly uncut, slightly unedited and maybe, not for TV version of the stories.  “Why?”, because it can’t be wasted!  There is value in our life stories.  Maybe that life, shared with you, will serve as something that can bring both of us to a better place.  “Why?”, because, sharing our stories can do that, one day at a time!

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My Self…

My Roles:

  • Happily married wife to my husband, Ric of 22 years
  • Mother to three boys and one girl, all wonderful and all grown up now
  • Grandmother to three granddaughters, so far…
  • Failing not to mention: housekeeper, landscaper, chef and personal shopper, providing concierge services for the household

My Income Providing Jobs:

  • Insurance Product Specialist
  • My fun side job as an independent consultant for The Pampered Chef
  • Independent Consultant for Mary Kay Cosmetics

My Loves:

  • God
  • My husband
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Loving people

My Hobbies:

  • Writing
  • Decorating
  • Gardening
  • Working around my house – anything, even if it’s cleaning
  • Cooking
  • Eating good food
  • Drinking good wine
  • Loving people

I try to be a “what you see is what you get” type of person.  It’s just that I may not always have been willing to let you see much.  I’m working on changing that here.

What I’m not:

  • A professional anything
  • A skilled writer or blogger, but I’m willing to learn
  • The “Answer Woman”
  • “Wonder Woman”
  • Not giving out my age. : )

I am what I am and will not pretend to be what I am not.  I’m at where I’m at and admitting it.  Just go easy on me here, because I don’t plan to stay in this place.

Confession vs Exposure

Imagine being awakened by an early morning phone call.  It’s your best friend, but why would they be calling at this ungodly hour of the morning.  You contemplate answering or ignoring the call.  Just another half hour of sleep would be great, but what if they really need you.  You know it’s futile to try to go back to sleep.  You would just be laying there wondering what they wanted anyway, so you answer.  The loudness of their voice slaps you in the face.  You are unprepared for the intensity of emotion that is being expressed and you’re not awake enough to really comprehend what is being said.  You quickly sit up and shake your head, trying to clear the haze.  You feel your friend’s anger, the sound of betrayal and shock and it’s all being projected at you.  Your own thoughts begin to race.  Beads of perspiration begin to form on your forehead.  No way!  How could that be?  You can’t really be hearing this, can you?  You must be still dreaming, right?  The realization begins to sink in.  This is huge.  This could really screw up your life.  All of your plans, dreams, all that you’ve worked so hard for could be gone almost over night.  Your friend just told you that your own deepest, darkest secret, the thing that no one, not even your best friend, knew.  Your secret is now breaking news and it’s all over the internet.

Back to reality now, the good news is, you were only day dreaming, but what if it had really happened.  This has been quite the year for disclosure and exposure.  What has been hidden is being found out.  Almost daily sports figures and Hollywood stars have either been exposed or they are confessing their deep dark secrets.  People we’ve respected, we’ve followed the details of their lives and set on pedestals, are now falling.

I’ve always considered myself one to have high values, honesty being a part of that.  Yet I, myself, feel the need for disclosure and exposure this year.  Here it comes.  There are things that I have not been honest about.  As I’ve contemplated this blog over the last several months, I knew that I first had to come clean.

I admit, it is difficult to be totally honest about yourself, especially when you choose to do it in a public way.  A few of the things I’ve kept hidden include a list of disappointments, fears, lack of direction, failures of character, bad judgment, credit card debt…  OK, so there are more than a few things and we will get into those, eventually.  Life is a journey, so I’m giving us permission to take a little time to get there.  After all, I don’t even know you yet.

They say that confession is good for the soul.  I’ve just begun the confession here and I don’t know that I feel so good about that yet, but I believe that this is a principle that holds true.  How can I expect honesty from you, when I’m not honest about myself?  In preparation for this, I got honest.  I had to admit some things to those around me.  I had bottled up way to many feelings.  I had kept secrets for way to long.  I am talking years here.  I felt that it was time to open the bottle and pour.

You know what happens inside a container when the contents have been bottled up for too long?  The fermentation process will negatively affect the contents of the bottle, not to mention that the bottle itself has to be clean to start with.  When you combine a dirty bottle with contents that have not been fermented under ideal conditions, what you get will not be something you would pair with any meal!  That is the state that I found myself in.  Character flaws, disappointments, failures, fears, all of it had contaminated the bottle and the contents inside of me.

Confession is a form of cleansing.  I am not saying I am all cleaned up and the bad has all been poured.  I am saying, I’ve begun the process.  I’m fessing up, cleaning up and inviting you to join me in this.  I want what I share with the world to be pleasing to the nose, smooth on the pallet, a wine aged to perfection that gives a big, bold finish.  Can’t wait to see how this all turns out…