God never stops amazing me in this life-long healing process. I’m doing a Lent study with our weekly small group. An exercise at the start was to tell other members how they could best be a friend. My request was that they accept me as I was. As the study went on, my eyes widened to the basis for that request. Past spiritual abuse came up in our discussions. As I prayed and journaled over it, God was faithful to teach me. I have no doubt I’m totally accepted by God, even the ugly parts. I know my family and the Mending the Soul abuse support groups I facilitate do, as well. What I lack is assurance of that the church accepts me with my ugly.
In the Lent study the first thing that struck me was Jesus’ prayer in John 17 right before he went to the Garden of Gethsemane. He prayed for us, that we would all be joined together as one, that we would experience the perfect unity that the Father and Son enjoy and that our body would be their holy dwelling place. The purpose was so that we would experience the same passionate love the Father and Son have.
This “oneness” message has been stirring in me for months and it grew stronger through our study. Oneness is a big word. It’s all encompassing. Oneness is key to our spiritual growth! It’s vital to our existence. It’s the handle we grasp that opens the door to the fullness of this experience of living.
But wow, this last year has exposed so much ugly! The church has not been exempt from it, either. Divisiveness is pervasive. Sadly, those outside of the church see Christians at the center of it.
So, how do we get to that elusive place of unity? The church without walls? Unity is hard enough in a relationship between two people, as evidenced by divorce rates. It gets more difficult to extend the picture frame to include a whole family. To stretch our frame to be big enough for the whole church and the world seems like making a giant leap into a chiasm of impossibility. But Jesus prayed that we would be one…
We facilitate the healing process in others through the Mending the Soul groups and God is faithful to take us deeper as he continues that process in us. We’re able to accept those who come into our groups where they’re at, as they are. We aren’t the ones who point out their immaturity or flaws. God does the work. It’s messy. It’s ugly, but we love them through it. We love them to a better place.
What if we, meaning the church, applied that same model when it comes others outside of groups? The tendency is to not be as accepting because we’re more prone to judge what we don’t understand. Everyone has a story. It’s so unfair to judge when we don’t even know a person’s story. And we know how horrible it feels to be unfairly judged. My first stop on the Lenten path is at the cross. I’m leaving my judgements of others at the foot.
We share our value for authenticity; however, do we give space for that if we hold expectations over people. Perceived expectation can cause people to hide behind masks and pretend to be what they aren’t. Expectations discourage honesty, causing a person to say what they think is expected. I’m taking my expectations back to the cross, too.
I’ve had this thought, “I could love those people, but… I’ve told others, “God loves you, but you need to do this and this…” “I love you, but…” Thank God he didn’t love me that way. What if we could leave the “buts” – at the cross? Isn’t that what the cross was for? Maybe, we should print, “But-less Love,” on a t-shirt.
This is why I feel such a need to be accepted by the church with all of my good, bad and ugly. Accept me into the community with my whole story without judging me, even if you don’t understand it. If you accept me just as I am, I can be brave enough to come out of hiding, to be honest and real. Together we can help each other grow and mature. You see, even though I didn’t belong to your church or graduate from any college or grow up where you did, I still have skills and talents that will help you. As a matter of fact, we actually need each other to experience life in it’s fulness. I’m just a start. Once you accept me as a part of you, we can grow from here.
We’re all human, all messy. I need to allow humans to be what they are. We’re all part of the same human race and running the same course over planet earth. There is no elevated track for a select few to run above the others. If a racer falls, I don’t ask questions before I help them up. And there is no timing chip around our ankle, no competition or comparison. The only goal is to cross that finish line with my whole body intact, hands locked with yours. One with God in Christ, thanks to the cross.
That’s the Lenten path I’ve been getting my feet dirty on. It starts with me. God asked me to clear the way into my heart for him to be able to enter. He wanted me! And he wanted my whole heart. He asked that I allow his touch on my life by getting really honest with no hiding, so what remained was authentic and free, a wholly healed, holy heart. It’s a wide-open space for Jesus and my big God where we can run together, a place that’s open to share love with the world. It’s a place I get to participate. Finally, I’m not excluded.
Mending the Soul is an international organization that provides healing resources and support for those who have experienced the trauma of abuse in any form. For more information, visit: mendingthesoul.org
Real - One Day At A Time 