Confession vs Exposure

Imagine being awakened by an early morning phone call.  It’s your best friend, but why would they be calling at this ungodly hour of the morning.  You contemplate answering or ignoring the call.  Just another half hour of sleep would be great, but what if they really need you.  You know it’s futile to try to go back to sleep.  You would just be laying there wondering what they wanted anyway, so you answer.  The loudness of their voice slaps you in the face.  You are unprepared for the intensity of emotion that is being expressed and you’re not awake enough to really comprehend what is being said.  You quickly sit up and shake your head, trying to clear the haze.  You feel your friend’s anger, the sound of betrayal and shock and it’s all being projected at you.  Your own thoughts begin to race.  Beads of perspiration begin to form on your forehead.  No way!  How could that be?  You can’t really be hearing this, can you?  You must be still dreaming, right?  The realization begins to sink in.  This is huge.  This could really screw up your life.  All of your plans, dreams, all that you’ve worked so hard for could be gone almost over night.  Your friend just told you that your own deepest, darkest secret, the thing that no one, not even your best friend, knew.  Your secret is now breaking news and it’s all over the internet.

Back to reality now, the good news is, you were only day dreaming, but what if it had really happened.  This has been quite the year for disclosure and exposure.  What has been hidden is being found out.  Almost daily sports figures and Hollywood stars have either been exposed or they are confessing their deep dark secrets.  People we’ve respected, we’ve followed the details of their lives and set on pedestals, are now falling.

I’ve always considered myself one to have high values, honesty being a part of that.  Yet I, myself, feel the need for disclosure and exposure this year.  Here it comes.  There are things that I have not been honest about.  As I’ve contemplated this blog over the last several months, I knew that I first had to come clean.

I admit, it is difficult to be totally honest about yourself, especially when you choose to do it in a public way.  A few of the things I’ve kept hidden include a list of disappointments, fears, lack of direction, failures of character, bad judgment, credit card debt…  OK, so there are more than a few things and we will get into those, eventually.  Life is a journey, so I’m giving us permission to take a little time to get there.  After all, I don’t even know you yet.

They say that confession is good for the soul.  I’ve just begun the confession here and I don’t know that I feel so good about that yet, but I believe that this is a principle that holds true.  How can I expect honesty from you, when I’m not honest about myself?  In preparation for this, I got honest.  I had to admit some things to those around me.  I had bottled up way to many feelings.  I had kept secrets for way to long.  I am talking years here.  I felt that it was time to open the bottle and pour.

You know what happens inside a container when the contents have been bottled up for too long?  The fermentation process will negatively affect the contents of the bottle, not to mention that the bottle itself has to be clean to start with.  When you combine a dirty bottle with contents that have not been fermented under ideal conditions, what you get will not be something you would pair with any meal!  That is the state that I found myself in.  Character flaws, disappointments, failures, fears, all of it had contaminated the bottle and the contents inside of me.

Confession is a form of cleansing.  I am not saying I am all cleaned up and the bad has all been poured.  I am saying, I’ve begun the process.  I’m fessing up, cleaning up and inviting you to join me in this.  I want what I share with the world to be pleasing to the nose, smooth on the pallet, a wine aged to perfection that gives a big, bold finish.  Can’t wait to see how this all turns out…

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2 thoughts on “Confession vs Exposure

  1. Barbara Brotzki says:

    Confessing and cleaning up sounds great but for me this is too personal for just anyone who might or might not care for me. I truly believe what you are doing what is right for you but to put in writing for those who don’t care to see or even worst for those who could use it as a tool against you. I love to do things that are way out there especially for my age, but I must confuse this does not work for me (at least right now). I have been in the body of church people way too long and have watch good meaning church folks tear up people who became open and honest. I definitely will confuse I don’t trust – especially church folks. There is my weakness or my confession! (So I did it anyway – I talk to much)

    • bspargo says:

      I get where you are coming from, Barb, and I have to say that I have struggled with the same issues of trust. Yep, already have been stabbed by those I expected more from and yep, I am opening up to those who probably don’t care. I think I have let go of a lot of the expectations I have had of people, no matter what position of power or place that they hold in my life. I am not hardened to harsh words. Yep, I know that there will be hurt along the way. However, I guess I’ve reached the place that I’m willing to take the risk, in the hopes that my story can offer hope to one or two that may not have any on there own. And hey, you don’t talk to much. Thanks for sharing!

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